Words Of Wisdom
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
4. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
5. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
6. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
7. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
8. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
9. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
10. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
11. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
12. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
13. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
14. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
15. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
16. Never lick a steak knife.
17. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
18. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
19. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
20. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers.
21. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
22. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark...a large group of professionals built the Titanic.