Thursday Thirteen #3
For those of you who want to be able to go up the corporate ladder quickly, here are some tips which might help you get on track. (Also known as the art of faking it...hahaha!) I plead the fifth if you'll ask me if I've ever used any or some of these...
1. Never walk without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the canteen. On the other hand, those often caught holding a newspaper look like they're off to the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use the computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal email, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad. When you get caught by your boss - and you will get caught - your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.
3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. Remember that it is volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voicemail. NEVER answer your phone. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing. They call because they want YOU to work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunchtime when you know they're not there. It looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're really a devious weasel.
5. Eat lunch at your desk. Similar to #4, a person who seems to be having a "working lunch" has got to be doing something really important - even though you're actually just busy jumping from people.com to e-bay. *wink**wink*
6. Always look impatient and annoyed. This gives off the impression that you are harrassed because of work.
7. Leave the office late. Make it a habit to leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. Read the magazines and pocketbooks you've always wanted while waiting for the boss to leave. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out.
8. Send emails at unearthly hours. Akin to above, this is all mostly for show. Your boss will do a double take if he/she sees an email from you sent around 10:30pm or 7:05am. Emails sent on weekends and holidays have the same effect.
9. Creative sighing. Sigh loudly when there are many people around. Adding a little body language (like massaging your neck or forehead) won't hurt either. People will get the feeling that you're under extreme pressure.
10. Stacking strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books, folders, manuals, etc. on the floor as well.
11. Build your vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the new products and associated jargon. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with top management. They may not understand what you are saying but you are blowing them away!
12. Always have 2 jackets. If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives off the impression that you are still around doing something critical.
13. Most important tip of all: Never let your supervisor see this list! Not if you still want to receive your paycheck on a regular basis...
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
P.S. Make sure you check out my roomie!
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