Gift-Receiving Etiquette

I know most of us are antipating the gifts we are going to be receiving come Christmas. Regardless of whether you open presents on the eve or on the morning after, oohs and aahs will surely abound if Santa deemed you worthy of being on his "nice" list this year. What happens when you get a gift you aren't really fond of, though, is another matter altogether. At the risk of appearing ungrateful, here are top 10 things you (might) say about gifts you don't like:

10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit.
9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.
8. This is perfect - for wearing while doing the laundry.
7. Well, well, well...
6. I don't deserve this. Really.
5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!
4. I love it. But I fear the envy it will inspire in others.
3. If the dog buries it, I sure as hell will be furious.
2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program so I won't be able to use it at all.
1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity!