10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit.
9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.
8. This is perfect - for wearing while doing the laundry.
7. Well, well, well...
6. I don't deserve this. Really.
5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!
4. I love it. But I fear the envy it will inspire in others.
3. If the dog buries it, I sure as hell will be furious.
2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program so I won't be able to use it at all.
1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity!